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By Mrs. Debbie Selengut

Rosh Chodesh Nissan

To My Dear Kallas, עמו”ש

א גוטן חודש!

No matter your age or stage, it’s a really really busy time of year!

There are about a gazlillion things that have to get done whether you are making your own Pesach at home, cleaning your house, selling your house, traveling, cooking and traveling, cooking and staying home, packing…

It’s a lot, and it’s impossible to do alone. We need to rely on others pitching in.

Some of us are better at this than others, some are natural delegators, some are more “I’d rather do it myself”, and then there are those that can delegate…. But not really….

Meaning, “I want you to do it, but my way, and if you don’t then I will be dissatisfied, and I will probably redo it myself”.


I heard a beautiful thought last week during Sheva Brachos, from my brother-in-law.  The Nesi’im did a seemingly magnanimous act by offering to fill in anything that was missing from the Mishkan.  They had no idea what they were committing to, and therefore, it sounded like an incredible offer.

However, the reality is that the spelling of their name was minimized (by removing a “yud”) for their “apparent” act of generosity.

In his sefer, Rav Shalom Meir Wallach notes that one of the fundamental responsibilities of a leader is to infuse those he leads with a feeling of empowerment, a feeling of “you can do this”.

The more people are entrusted with responsibility, and the confidence with which their leader believes in them, the more they will believe in themselves and their ability to accomplish.

When we convey our lack of faith in someone, or our concern that they might not  be able to meet our expectation, they feel it, and will naturally fall short.

If someone feels trusted and responsible., he or she will usually do more than is expected, but if we express, or even seem skeptical, we are going to actually lessen their ability to be creative and productive.

The word Nasi, stems from the same word, as “to lift”.

Leaders, which each one of us are, in our own personal domains, lead best by raising the people around us.

Acknowledging their hard work, and their accomplishments; stopping ourselves from criticizing, or redoing the work of others.

Remember these 3 things over the next 2 weeks.

It doesn’t have to be me, it doesn’t have to be now, and it doesn’t have to be perfect.

Sort of like a mantra….. (I see my own kids rolling their eyes!)

This is a glorious season, it’s beautiful outside, crocuses, tulips, cherry blossom trees, and

there is so much about our mood and our stress level that we CAN control.

Let’s appreciate the people helping us, let’s show them, with words, and with affirmation that they are doing a great job!

We all stand to gain!

Wishing you a חג כשר ושמח! Filled with joy and growth!




Mrs. Debbie Selengut