Rosh Chodesh Elul

A  Belated Guten Chodesh, עמו” ש

Sometimes it takes me a while to find the right topic to write about. Sometimes I know with certainty what I want to share and sometimes there are competing ideas. Then there are times when I know, but circumstances change, and everything shifts.

This month was one of those months.

Throughout my month in camp, my thoughts were clear about what I wanted to share with all of you, and then our situation changed, and I returned to spend the last week of my father-in-law’s life with him and our beautiful family. We are now coming to the end of the shiva.

There is so much to talk about, so much to learn from, so much to emulate, and so much to miss.

As a daughter in law, (the first and of course the favorite) we had a unique relationship.  He was truly interested in me and what I was involved in.  He wanted to know what I felt were the challenges that today’s children, today’s Kallas and today’s newlyweds were facing.

He was genuinely invested in each of our own children’s development; physically, emotionally, spiritually, and academically.

When spending Shabbos with my in-laws, they would take each child on their own private walk, getting to know their world, their friends, and their worries.  For those 15 or 20 minutes, that child was the most important person in the world.

When we asked his chinuch advice regarding a child, he listened intently, asked questions, and then made suggestions. His first suggestion was always so predictable: “Love him/her up”. He strongly believed that no matter the challenge, the child’s challenge,  or ours, more love and attention would change the playing field.

And then his guidance was always: “Do you think….?” “Could you try….? “Would you consider…? Always empowering us as the parents, charging us with thinking it through and coming up with a plan that we felt would be effective.

He always reminded us that spending time with a child is the greatest compliment; giving the message of “I like you” (not just that I love you, but I like you too) ‘and I want to be with you.’

He and my wonderful mother in law יבל” ח were mekarev r’chokim and k’rovim through the genuine warmth and dignity with which they treated each person they met. That dignity and respect helped each of those recipients reach inside themselves so that they, too, saw themselves as worthy and dignified.

He was not afraid to say, “I love you”, and he was not afraid to cry.

He was נפטר exactly as he lived his life, surrounded by his entire family davening with him, singing with him, and loving him.

May he be a מליץ יושר for our family and for all of Klall Yisrael.

Wishing you a כתיבה וחתימה טובה