Rosh Chodesh Cheshvan 5785
To My Dear Kallas, עמו”ש
I have a little routine that I have been doing for many years in many realms of my life, home, school and camp.
After any big “event”, I write down some notes about what I want to remember for the next time. What went right. What needs to be tweaked. What was a flop.
It can be a recipe, a Chol Hamoed trip, a great park, a not-so-great park, a scheduling mistake, overbought something, ran out of something, made too much something, not enough something… you get it.
Then on a separate piece of paper I list everything that I am grateful for.
Here is what inspired me to do this.
There are a zillion details for each of us when it comes to celebrating a Yom Tov. Whether we are home, traveling to, during or after Yom Tov, I have the opportunity to work through some tricky challenging scenarios with some young (and not so young) ladies.
Here they are in no particular order:
Complicated travel plans.
No travel plans.
Complicated sleeping arrangements.
Sleeping arrangements that defy the word “complicated.”
Difficult relatives.
No relatives.
Exorbitant costs.
No room for a Sukkah.
No room in the Sukkah.
Food concerns, allergies, special diets.
Children fighting with their cousins.
Children that have no cousins.
Children getting sick.
Children that throw up in in-laws houses.
Children that throw up in in-laws’ cars.
Finding apples in garbage with one tiny bite eaten.
Finding lebans in garbage with one tiny sip taken.
No car.
Mikvah distance from in-laws’ house.
Mikvah distance from parent’s house.
No Mikvah within walking distance.
No makeup on Y.T. (see above)
Long day trips and coming home with an exhausted husband and children.
Ditto- to no supper or burnt supper because I miscalculated the delay start on my oven.
Balancing working remotely while taking care of children and trying to help your in-laws for Yom Tov.
Balancing husband working remotely, and you taking care of all the kids at your in-laws’ house.
Husband not being able to work remotely and having to actually go to work.
Siblings/siblings in law with a really different chinuch outlook than you.
Jetlag.
And still, there is so much to be grateful for.
And we can’t lose sight of that, because it’s so easy to misplace our perspective.
So now are you ready for a really awkward proposition?
Find a nice piece of paper, an envelope and a stamp (yes, a real stamp) and write someone a thank you note. Yes. A thank you note.
Old fashioned? Yep.
A little awkward? Maybe.
Can you do it? Absolutely.
It doesn’t have to be long or flowery or mushy. It just has to be appreciative and heartfelt.
Thank someone for the great accommodations. Think parents, in-laws, grandparents. The delicious food and bonus points for asking for a recipe! It makes the hostess feel so good! Expenses. Think airfare, Chol Hamoed trips, childcare and cooking help – maybe a younger sister or sister-in-law, and don’t forget the fathers/fathers-in- law! Those Sukkas were put up by someone!
Closer to home; a thank you note to a husband for his help, his hard work, his financing, his support, his working more hours to help with Yom Tov…
His working for less hours to help with Yom Tov….
Our young children, for their help, their flexibility, possibly giving up their room/beds/ toys/ space/parents….
And our adult children and in-law children for coming, for their great attitude despite being displaced, and their graciousness and willingness to adapt to different circumstances. For their help, for being a wonderful spouse, parent and child/in-law child. Let them all know how much you appreciate that they came!
And don’t forget yourself! Whether you hosted, stayed home or traveled, YOU DID IT! And you deserve a standing ovation which you will most definitely not get. So, thank yourself. You can even write yourself a thank you note and buy yourself a gift! (Not joking.)
And thank Hashem, for the ability to experience joy, for having who to give to, and who to receive from. For everything that we did right!
Wishing you a wonderful month!
And A Guzinte Vinter!