A Guten Chodesh Sh’vat!
S’hvat! Just the mere sound of the word makes me smile!
We are turning a corner. The cold of Winter is receding and Spring is on its way!
I love going to chasunas, though most of the time I’m just able to wish a quick ‘Mazel Tov.’ When I’m lucky enough to attend the Chuppah, I focus on being present. I allow myself to really feel it. The “bigness” of it; the importance of it; the beauty and א”ה the “foreverness” of it.
I can see two worlds and two families, joining together to set a chain of events into motion that will change history. The decisions that this couple make and the path that they create together, will contribute to and enhance Klall Yisrael.
As parents, we are sending our child out into their future world with our love, our chinuch, and many of our values. Rabbi Sruly Besser shares that when a Chosson and Kallah marry, they are bringing to their new home much of what they each saw in their own homes. Which middos are the bedrock of those families? What was emphasized? Torah Learning? Chessed? Tzedaka? Hachnosas Orchim? Tefila?
This is a defining moment – a new creation – a new entity. It’s not her childhood home or his childhood home. It’s a combination and variation of the best of each of their respective homes.
The Chasuna itself is often a statement and a manifestation of who we are as families. Here is where it all comes together.
There are weddings in which the Chosson himself is handing out tzedaka money because this is what “we” do. The Kalla makes sure to leave her circle to go and dance with those who cannot join the circle, (possibly someone who is physically limited or elderly) because that is who ‘she’ is. The warmth with which a Chosson or Kalla greet guests and thank them for coming because that’s what they were taught and now it’s who ‘they’ are.
The Chasuna is an insight into who these two people are as well as who their families are. And the hope is that this new couple will build on those strengths.
As an outsider, I can observe and learn from the values of each family, taking in all the inner beauty displayed at the chasuna, But it’s not just for outsiders.
We have to remind ourselves, again and again, that we can gain from each of our own simchos, grow from them, learn from them and be proud of how we celebrate them.
Tefilos, tears, hopes and dreams go into each milestone event, and each simcha of our own!
‘Our’ values and ‘our’ goals become the definition of who our families are.
Let’s appreciate the Chessed of Hashem, and not forget to acknowledge our own efforts and contributions that led to this simcha.
Shep nachas and enjoy!