A Guten Chodesh Dear Kallas, עמוש,

I’ve been thinking a lot about appreciation lately — for many good reasons. Some of those reasons are deep and personal, connected to beautiful things our family has recently experienced, בע״ה. And some are small, or even seemingly less significant moments or events that, when you look closely, are actually quite significant.

Here’s one of those.

When I was in 10th grade, we had to take a typing class twice a week with an elderly man named Mr. Edward Mize. (I can’t believe I still remember his name!) At the time, we were convinced it was the biggest waste of time. Why in the world would we ever need to know how to type? We were certain only secretaries needed that skill. So, the class became something we “partied” through — not disrespectfully, but definitely not seriously.

But somehow, somewhere between laughing, noshing, and the chatting, I actually learned to type.

We had no idea the age of computers was coming. No clue how essential typing would become — something I do every single day, many times a day. Recently, I even tried to look up Mr. Mize with no success, to write him a thank you note for the impact that class had on my life.

What inspired me to do that was a remarkable book I read:
“365 Thank Yous: The Year a Simple Act of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life,” by John Kralik.

The author’s life was falling apart — his health, his business, his relationships. In a moment of awareness, he decided to write one thank you note to someone that had helped him at a point in his life, and that one note led to a personal goal of writing one thank you note  every day for a year, each addressed to someone who had, at some point in his life, done something meaningful for him. That simple shift — choosing gratitude daily — slowly transformed every part of his life.

What I gained from the book was profound:
Living a life of gratitude rewires the way you see everything.
 It changes how you interpret the past.
It changes how you live in the present.
It changes how you see people.
It changes how you see yourself.

And it made me think about how awkward people often feel about writing thank you notes. They will call, they will text, they will leave a “voice note” but not write a thank you note.

When a kallah first comes to see me after she gets engaged, and we talk about what’s new and how much her life is about to change, one of the first things I encourage — or strongly nudge (or gently bully!) her to do is write a thank you note to your new in-laws.

By the time a kallah walks into my office for her first class, thousands of dollars have already been spent on her — jewelry, flowers, dates…. And that deserves acknowledgment.

Many girls tell me,
“I’ll send a note after I get my ring…”

But no.
That gift deserves its own thank you note.
 (And yes — I’m quite firm about this. I tell kallos they can’t come back for class #2 until that thank you note has been mailed. And I absolutely mean it!)

Because here’s the truth:

There is nothing awkward about gratitude.
There is nothing strange about acknowledging kindness.
There is nothing embarrassing about going back years later to thank someone for something you never properly recognized.

In fact, it’s the opposite.

A life centered around gratitude opens your eyes.
It softens your heart.
It expands your relationships.
It changes your mindset.
It creates joy.

And with a new month ahead of us, a month centered around “להודות ולהלל” I can think of no better way to grow, no better way to strengthen your future marriage, and no better way to elevate yourself than by living with הכרת הטוב — freely, generously, wholeheartedly.

Wishing you a wonderful, uplifting month filled with gratitude and bracha.