To My Dear Kallas, עמו”ש

A Guten Chodesh!

Rav Dessler explains that we don’t celebrate Yamim Tovim simply to commemorate a nes that happened many years ago. Each Yom Tov is an opportunity to understand what happened, learn from it, and discover how we can bring its message into our own lives.

And there is something else. The accomplishments of our ancestors become part of our spiritual DNA. What they were able to accomplish becomes something that we, too, have the ability to accomplish.

Chanukah was a time when assimilation became an ideology. The Misyavnim were Jews whose thinking, values, and loyalties had become influenced by Greek culture.

The Chashmonaim brought Klal Yisrael back to its core. Rav Dessler explains that the teshuvah they inspired was so powerful that it affected every Jewish neshama. That awakening became part of us forever.

Perhaps that’s why even Jews who are very far removed from Yiddishkeit often still have a menorah. There is something about those little flames that awakens something deep within the Jewish neshama.  (And maybe because it’s the one holiday that our Mayor decorates the streets with this symbol! (Thank you Mayor Hector Lora!)

The Nesivos Shalom shares a beautiful thought. When we speak about the miracle of Chanukah, we focus on the oil that burned for eight days. But there was another miracle that came first.

The fact that they even looked for the oil!

Everything appeared to be destroyed and defiled. Yet the Chashmonaim believed that somewhere, there might still be something pure.

And they found that one little flask.

That ability to search for something pure, even when everything seems lost, is part of the legacy they passed down to us.

And this brings me to our children.

Sometimes we wonder how much of what we teach them really goes in. The songs, the stories, the messages we repeat. The Shabbos atmosphere we work so hard to create, the bedtime stories we read when we’re the ones falling asleep!

Do these little things really stay with them?

They do. Often far more than we realize.

I once heard a story from Dr. Akiva Perlman, who was working with teenagers through NCSY. He was trying to connect them to Yiddishkeit but wasn’t seeing the results he had hoped for.

One day, while driving with his own young children and listening to Uncle Moishy, something clicked.

These teenagers had missed the entire Uncle Moishy stage! They hadn’t grown up with those simple songs about Hashem, mitzvos, tzedakah, and Ahavas Yisrael.

He was trying to build something without first laying the foundation.

So one Erev Shabbos, he printed out the words to dozens of Uncle Moishy songs, and they sat together singing for hours, well into the night.

“Hashem Is Here, Hashem Is There,” “Give a Little Tzedakah,” the Ahavas Yisrael song, and even the pizza song!

Simple songs but filled with foundations of Yiddishkeit.

And for those of us who grew up with them, decades later, we still remember the words!

We never really know what will stay with a child.

A song. A story. A feeling. A memory.

Things that seem so small at the time can become very significant years later.

And when those experiences are lovingly handed over with warmth and connection, they have tremendous staying power.

Because connection is really the key. And there are no shortcuts to connection.

We spend so much time thinking about everything we need to do for our children. The food, the clothing, the tutoring, the dentist, the laundry. The list never ends!

But sometimes we can overlook the  importance of what we do with our children.

The conversations. The laughter. The little traditions. The feeling of belonging.

And what a wonderful opportunity Chanukah gives us to build those memories!

We want Chanukah to be something our children look forward to all year.

But not necessarily through more “stuff”,  they have enough “stuff”!

Instead,  family time, activities, little family traditions, and experiences that bring everyone together.

Think back to your own childhood Chanukahs. What do you remember?

The licht bentchen, the singing, the dancing, the dreidel games, the special foods?

Chances are that those are the things you remember, not the presents.

We want Chanukah to be one of the highlights of our children’s lives. Not Disney World, not an expensive trip or elaborate outing.

We want this to be the highlights!

The warmth, the excitement, the feeling that being a Yid is something special. And even more specifically, that being part of my family is something special.

The same is true for Shabbos and Yom Tov. The special songs, the family traditions, the things that make your home unique.

Years later, a familiar song, a family tradition, or the sight of a menorah can awaken something deep inside.

Something that was planted long ago.

We began with Rav Dessler’s message that Chanukah isn’t simply about remembering a miracle. It’s about understanding what that miracle means for us today.

The Chashmonaim believed that even when everything seemed lost, there was still something pure to be found.

And perhaps that is a beautiful message for us as parents.

To believe in what is inside our children, even when we don’t always see the results.

And to keep putting good things in. Songs, stories, memories, traditions, warmth, connection, and a love for Yiddishkeit.

Because we never know which song, which memory, or which relationship will awaken something inside them.

And perhaps that is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children this Chanukah.

Not another present.

But something they will carry with them forever.

A freilichen Chanukah!